Gingerbread Cowboys
by ignotusn
Summary: Random story, loosely based on Janet Evanovich's Visions of Suger Plums. Spike pops up in Faye's Kitchen to help her with a bounty on Sandy Claws. Mostly SpikexFaye.


_FYI: This doesn't take place before, during, or after the series. Different reality altogether! _

Faye Valentine had a strange man in her kitchen. He appeared out of nowhere. One minute she was sipping coffee, mentally planning out her day, and then the next minute...**boom**, there he was. He was about six feet, with wavy green hair, and was wearing an absurdly-_--wait_, Faye had to back up her train of thought._ He has green hair_, she thought. _Who the hell has green hair_?

"Well. Isn't this perfect," he said, clearly disgusted, hands on hip, taking Faye in. Her heart was rattling in her chest. She was at a total loss, not knowing what to think or what to say. She had no idea who he was, or how he had gotten into her apartment, let alone her kitchen. It was like...What the hell was going on?

"How," Faye asked. "What"

"Hey, don't ask me lady," he said. "I'm just as surprised as you are"

"Huwah? How'd you get into my kitchen"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He moved in on her refrigerator, opened the door and pulled out a beer. Faye was sure she hadn't kept any beer in her refrigerator. He twisted the beer open and took a long swig, and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. He stared at Faye expectantly.

Faye's mind was still dealing with the fact that a strange man had just popped up in her kitchen. He might be crazy, she thought. the only other possibility she could think of was that she was hallucinating and that he wasn't real. There had been mushrooms in the pizza salad. Could that have been it? Luckily, Faye worked as bounty hunter, so she was slightly desensitized to scary guys showing up in closets and under beds. Faye inched her way across the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and pulled out her Glock 30. "Christ. What are you going to do, shoot me? Like that would change anything." He looked more closely at the gun pointed at him and said "Sweetie, there aren't any bullets in that gun"

Faye grimaced "There may be." The man grinned like a Cheshire cat, and began to walk through the kitchen into the living room. He looked around and moved into the bedroom.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?" Faye followed him, trying to grab his arm.

He didn't stop.

"That's it," Faye said " I'm calling the police." She grabbed him roughly by the back of his shirt and spun him around. "Gimme a break," he said. "I'm having a really shitty day. Where the hell is the T.V.?" He kicked off his shoes and flopped down onto the floor next to the bed, closing his eyes. Faye sat down on the bed and stared at him. He was lucky that the gun had no bullets in it, because Faye felt like shooting something. Instead, she then prodded him lightly in the chest with her toe. "Yep. I'm really, really real." He said, and opened one eye lazily while still laying flat out on the floor. "Your hair too?" Faye asked, grabbing a strand between her fingertips He smiled at her, opening the other eye. "That's for me to know and you to find out." He grinned more broadly, in a knock your socks off sort of smile.

"Get a life." Faye said, standing up and snatching his shoes off of the floor. "You'll come around." The man said, getting up awkwardly, then slouching back down on the bed. Faye rolled her eyes, and tossed his shoes out into the living room.

"Go fetch, fido." The man didn't move. "Come on! Get out of my bed!" Faye groaned, than reached over and grabbed his wrist and attempted to drag him bodily out of her bed. He resisted. A lot. Faye grunted, gave up, and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Hey lunkhead, do you have a name," she asked.

"Spike." "Spike? Is that your first or last name"

" Just Spike. That's my name"

"Well Spike, it's been a pleasure. Now leave!" Faye managed to pull him off of her bed, into the living room and out of her apartment. She then slammed and locked the door.

Spike mumbled something out side of the door, than shouted. "You have real attitude problem, you know that right?" "Go back to whatever insane asylum lost you!" The bolt shot back, the lock tumbled, and Spike walked into the apartment. He sat down on the couch, and stared at an astonished Faye. "How'd you unlock my door"

"I don't know. It's just on of the things I can do"

Faye felt herself shiver. "Now I'm really creeped out. What are you, like a vampire or something?" "I'm pretty sure vampires have to ask permission to enter a house. Relax, I'm supposed to make your life better, not kill you." He snorted, than started to laugh. "Like that's ever going to happen"

Faye glared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?" Spike stared at her.

"Well, look at you: you're wearing sweats at twelve on a Tuesday, you live alone, and look. Its nearly Christmas and you don't even have a tree"

"Hey! First of all, it's my day off I can wear whatever the hell I want! Got that? Second of all, I don't live alone!" The man stared at her, deadpan. "Okay, so I do. So what? What do you care? Third of all: I don't even want a Christmas tree!" Faye was lying. she really did want a Christmas tree. She wanted a Christmas with sparkling lights, and beautifully wrapped presents under it, and a closet full of gifts for her family and friends. She had none of these things.

Spike had been in her apartment for half an hour, and he hadn't done a full head rotation or tried to wrestle her down to the ground. _That was a good sign, right?_ Faye's voice of reason returned._ It means nothing! He could be a maniac!_ However, the maniac thoughts were banging up against a gut feeling that he was an okay guy. Odd, green-haired, and generally obnoxious, but not criminally insane. Of course, it was possible her instincts were swayed by the fact that she found him attractive and that he smelled wonderful. "What are you doing here?" Faye sat down on the sofa next to him, rubbing her temples with her fingers. spike paused for a minute before he replied.

'I'm the damned spirit of Christmas"

Great, thought Faye, I have the _damned spirit of Christmas_ sitting in my living room.

Reveiw! Tell me what you thought!  
Just a short chapter, thanks for reading, next chapter will be up soon, hopefully more interesting! Definitly will include more CCBB characters. might have some OC.


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